Meredith Currently...

Do I look crazy?

Because I feel like the past several days have been crazy!

Obsessing over...getting all my Halloween decorations put up! I pulled all my stuff out of the attic, but I haven't had a chance this week to get them out of the bins. I'm determined to get it done this weekend!

Wishing for...goodness. I've been awfully contemplative lately about wanting to simply make the world a better place. I just got done reading A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller, and this whole week I haven't been able to stop rolling it around in my mind. People set out with grand dreams of changing the world, falling in love, doing something amazing. But the drift toward the merely acceptable happens almost without notice. Every life has a story. I want to make sure that my story is worth telling. How many people do you know truly live life? Not many. I know life can feel just plain hopeless...and hard! The economy isn't the greatest, the world is at odds, leaders are secretly scumbags, and frankly living the dream is intimidating, overwhelming, and risky. Watch out guys, because I'm going to make sure I have a good story. Mark my words. Big things are happening, I can feel it in my bones.

Thinking about...Grad School. Going back now, might be my prime opportunity. My job isn't overly stressful, so it would be really easy to work and go to school at the same time, plus the military spouse discount isn't anything to complain about...but I feel so overwhelmed just at the thought of going back to school. I use to hate school, simply because I didn't know how to study, or how to take a test. Now that I know how to do that confidently, I just need to buck up and take the plunge. I'm so afraid at making a choice, especially one that I have to be pretty committed too, that I'm stuck in the limbo of I don't know. Its not a great place to be, but I'm starting to think I should throw caution to wind and go for it. 

Anticipating...our future. (Do you feel a common theme here? haha) Now I know that's pretty general, but I'm so excited/terrified for the future. Evan and I have talking about so many different possibilities about what we want to do next. Really, we can go in any direction our hearts desire; we literately have the world at our feet and its a terrifying rush of adrenaline. At night when a crawl into bed and think about our lives, it feels like Christmas eve as a 5 year old child...I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL SANTA COMES! I get so giddy I can't sleep! Too many ideas are coming to me all at once. Stick with me, I promise my inspirational/potentially unrealistic rant is coming to an end. Conclusion: I'm so glad I have this place to write about all the things that are spilling out of my brain; if I didn't I might explode. Get ready the journey is just beginning! 

Love Me Like My Dog Does Baby

I'm sure if you listen to country music on a semi-regular basis, you will have heard this song.

I myself am a dog lover. When I was about 9, my neighbors had an outdoor dog named Zoe. Unbeknownst to them, she was my dog. I took her on walks, gave her treats, played fetch with her, and begged my parents to let me have her. The begging and groveling process for a horse, dog, hamster or anything that had furr was probably a monthly occurrence for my parents, poor souls.

After finally being married for a few months, I shipped Evan off to Afghanistan with only one rule from him: I better not have a dog when he got home. Me? Want a dog? Nooooo.

But for real.
What's up with everyone trying to ruin my life dream of owning a furry companion here?

A few weeks before Christmas my soon-to-be brother-in-law found a little puppy, half frozen, tossed in a snow bank. I immediately schemed a plan. I was all alone, poor little Army wife needing something to fill my time. Ok, really there was no plan except the old stand-by of my 9 year old self: beg and grovel. PLEASE EVAN, PLLLEEAAASSSEEE!!!! Its my life dream!!! I won't ask for anything else! I won't even buy another pair of shoes for a year! (Ha. I know, we both knew that was a lie) PLLLEEEEAAASSSSEEEE!

Like the good man my husband is, he gave in to his crazy wife's pleas.
And then laughed in my face ear, when I had to stand outside in the sub-zero winter tundra that is Pennsylvania, to potty train the piss head.

Although there have been many, many moments of (impatient) me wanting to throw Scout out the door, hoping he would run away to another family, I really don't know what I would do without the massive beast. Even when I've yelled at him when I shouldn't have, he still loves me like it never happened. He might be huge, but he has the biggest heart to match. He gets stressed out easily, but will rip any box apart at the possibility of finding a "biscuit" inside. When you talk to him, he'll cock his head and listens with careful content. Most of the time he will answer back with his two, dog-talking cents. During the week I have to practically drag him out of bed, but I can promise you, Saturday morning (on my only day to sleep in) he will be nose to nose with me, giving me his best pitiful, chocolate brown-eyed stare to please get up so he...can go back to sleep in the living room.

What if we all tried to love other people the way dogs love us? I think we can all agree Hitler wasn't the nicest kid on the playground, and was...How do you say it?...one of the worst tyrants of the 20th Century.You have to be pretty consistently awful, even before you decided to wipe out an entire race, to win that title. 
Adolf had been given a German Shepherd named "Prinz." Right after World War I, during his years of poverty, he had been forced to give the dog up. However, she managed to escape and return to him. 
If that isn't an example of a dogs wavering devotion without judgement, I don't know what is.

 Dogs don't judge us if we're overweight, gay, straight, obsessive, depressed, religious, ignorant, old, dirty, anorexic, annoying, black, white, crippled, have a third nipple, or act downright rude. So the next time you scrunch up your nose at someone, or are quick to snap back to a nasty comment, don't. Take a minute to see them through a dogs eyes. "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." - John Watson

Obligatory montage of Scout

^
I bubble wrapped him and told him I was mailing him to Grandma's. He didn't think it was an awful idea.

New Halloween Costume

Napping: Exhibit A

Napping: Exhibit B

He really let me do this to him...and liked it. 

Where were you?

Where was I? 

I was sitting in the pew of my school's sanctuary. 

The only thing I remember being confused about is the Twin Towers. What were they? Oil towers? Should I know what they are? Why was it such a big deal if someone ran a plane into an oil tower? Then our teacher turned on the television. I was in 7th grade. Contrary to what most adults may think, I fully understood what was going on. I can remember, just like it was yesterday driving in the car with my family that evening. My mom said to look at the sky, because it would be the only day in my entire life where I wouldn't be able to find an airplane in the sky. 

Today at work was odd. Most of the day I was livid that all the school did in remembrance of this day was flying the flag at half-staff, just like it was just another government holiday. Many of the kids weren't old enough to associate any kind of sadness or feelings to this day. I guess I'm one of the few who were just old enough to remember everything about that day. The adults didn't mention it, like they are already trying to forget. Maybe it still hurts too much. I even had a teacher ask me what today's date was. It almost made me cry, and then snap with anger. How can you not know what today is? Maybe its because this day change my entire childhood, what was left of it, and shaped my whole future. A friend from college wrote this piece, which sums up a lot of people my age are probably feeling. 

The Monster

by: Josh Kinney

I kind of remember the night before, but it’s hard to say.

That morning came like a tidal wave, sweeping away everything we once knew and thought as safe.

I remember being glued to the television for hours, watching everything on repeat, listening to my mother crying in the other room and holding a newspaper, her eyes red and tired.

We saved all of the newspapers.

From then on The Monster had entered our lives: my life.

He would be there for years to come, causing me to look over my shoulder, judge people I shouldn’t have judged, and imagine things I would’ve never before imagined.

Every time I heard that roaring sound of a low-flying aircraft or saw some kind of embellished or paranoid behavior on a subway train, The Monster reminded me of his nasty presence, his lingering effects.

The Monster was always there.

Every now and then we would hear of one of The Monster’s plans, barely thwarted, but somehow foiled.

New laws and paranoia as well as a new wave of political propaganda swept the land.

As I grew up from a boy to a man, I’d never forget The Monster.

I lived with him, we all did.

The Monster and what he did to us was ingrained in our psyches forever.

The Monster was often a topic of conversation, his lasting mark stretching into and out of our college years.

And then one night we were warned of a great announcement.

Our elected leader had awoken us from an early night and the Internet buzzed with activity.

Immediately we were reminded of The Monster, our stomachs choked in fear, but then – relief!

An ease I only remembered from childhood and had thought I’d forgotten.

Brave men had tracked down and slaughtered The Monster responsible for our fear.

Although The Monster’s minions still lurked about the globe, for the first time in the longest time, I slept with a peace I had only known as a boy.

Today is the perfect day for us.

Its the first day that summer gave in. The air is undemanding, not oppressing. The sun is like the perfect temperature between the covers; just like the ones we would have rolled out of  this morning. The coffee pot would be on like it always is when you are here. We would have taken the top off the Jeep and hurled ourselves into to the countryside. My hair would be flying a thousand different directions, but I know you love it, so I would resist pulling it up. Every now and then I could have caught your smell as the air swirled around the open car. Your smell would brings a smile to my lips, cause lighting to flood through veins, and a weakness to knock at my knees. The baseball cap you would wear hides your eyes, but I already know they are a clear blue, as fresh as the sky we are chasing. Today we would have sung to the radio together, and picked out our farm house along the way. Or maybe today we would've just held hands, balanced on the center console, in the serenity of  us.

We would have gone to the range.

We would have been competitive. 

Our fingers would have brushed as we counted the holes in the paper circles.

We would of had fun.

We would have been together.

We wouldn't have done anything in particular.

We would have done everything.

Today would have been the perfect day for us. 

But you aren't here.

You are an impossible number of miles away from me. 

So I guess today its the perfect day for me to wish you were home.  

Letters to Evan

I just want to let you know

Love,

Meredith

Give Me a Break

Lately all of my thoughts are so boggled, I can't type anything out that makes any sense. 

Right now there are about 15 drafts in my box, in which not one of them is completed, publish worthy post. 

I think I just need a little break from this, and maybe write a few long e-mails to my husband instead. 

Talk to you in a bit. 

- Meredith

Dear Moochers,

      I'm seriously, completely over you. A number of you have been in my life for entirely too long, and frankly its half my fault for not kicking you to the curb sooner. I'm putting my foot down from now on. I can be nice, giving, and helpful, but that doesn't mean you take advantage of people like me. You will never again make me feel guilty or obligated to cover you, give you money, host you, or help you.   

Dear Facebook,

       Stop telling me I have a message, when I indeed do not. I get overly excited about someone sending me a private message, only to have my hopes crushed.

Dear Good Friends,

       Thanks for everything. I really don't know what I would do without you. Thank you for forgiving me when I'm wrong, loving me when I'm being stubborn, and understanding when I never return your call or text message. I'm still really bad at that.

Dear Scout,
       If you shred a cardboard box, please have the consideration to clean it up. I know you're totally adorable, but I draw the line at slimy, soggy, cardboard. 


Dear Summer,
      Chill the heck out...literately.


Dear the new Batman movie,
     You were pretty good, but not as good as the Dark Knight. 


Dear Life,
     How is it possible to feel overwhelmingly blessed, grateful, and happy, yet completely annoyed, disheartened, and plain crazy all at the same time. I don't even know what my brain is doing most of the time this week. I need to get a grip. Or chocolate. For now I'll go with chocolate. 


Dear Evan,
   You're the best husband ever. I know some people might think they have the best husband, but really, they're very wrong. Even when I'm acting irrational, you go along with me like I'm acting normal. Sometimes its nice to have someone let them be crazy for just a few minutes. I miss you so much all the time, especially because there is a huge lack of coffee in our mugs, boot dirt in my carpet, and boy clothes in the washer. 


Dear Landlord,
     The tree that fell in my front yard in JUNE is still there. Just in case you haven't checked your calender its almost August, and my yard is starting to look like jungle. I've called and asked you nice twice. I don't want to be mean and annoying. Just get it out of here! 


Dear Army,
     You know exactly what I'm going to ask you. Stop making me bother you. I have a feeling this is going to continue for another 4-5 months.

Dear YouTube,

      Thank you for the thousands of mindless videos about kittens and puppies. Most importantly thank you for music, since I'm too cheap to buy it myself.