Can we talk for a second?

About this:

I've been seriously jipped on my Pop-Tart, and I'm upset. 

My Pop-Tart eating diminished when I figured out that each pastry was 210 calories. I was under the impression that an entire package of Pop-Tarts was 210 calories. Lies. Pop-Tarts are strictly Evan's deal for breakfast. Don't get me wrong, I love them just as much as the next person, but I try to opt for cereal, mixed nuts, or something a little more filling without an obscene about of calories and sugar in the morning.

While packing my lunch, I grabbed a pack of Pop-Tarts to pack with my applesauce, since we literately had nothing else in the house. I'm such a bad wife. I was pretty pumped considering this would be a "treat," and just thinking about them in my lunchbox waiting was enough to make me drool all morning! After eating my applesauce, I grabbed my Brown Cinnamon Sugar Pop-Tart package like it contained Willy Wonka's Golden Ticket. I pulled out the first delicate pastry and flipped it over, ready to devour it. My jaw dropped when only half of the pastry was covered in frosting! The other half had a wimpy thin layer of frosting! Part of me almost yelled out in a dramatic, slow-motion, NOOOOOOooooooooooo!

But I didn't.

I sat there and pouted.

 Alone.

And then threw the other Pop-Tart away. 

I'll show you Kellogg. Think I'll eat your wimpy half-frosted Pop-Tart? Think again! 

It Happened.

So I don't know if I mentioned it, but for Christmas this year I got a bread machine. 

My mother-in-law and her family have a running joke in the family that if someone doesn't make a Christmas list they are getting a bread machine instead as punishment. Well hardy-har-har I asked for one. And everyone though I was crazy. Well I am, so laugh it up!

Why a bread machine?

Because I suck at making bread.

I've tried what seems like hundreds of times (OK, actually maybe 3 times) by hand. And no matter what I do it never turns out right. Too flat, too burnt, too dense, etc. (That is precisely what happened each of the 3 times I tried).

Well it also turns out I am incapable of making bread from a BREAD MACHINE.

While it's raising the smell makes my mouth water.
When it's done cooking it looks perfectly golden.
Slicing it reveals a crunchy crust and a soft light middle.
The moment it touches my lips reveals...cardboard.
I believe cardboard might have definitely has more flavor.
How is it possible to make bread this horrible???
From a BREAD MACHINE!!!
The directions are dump the junk in and come back when you've done whatever-the-heck-you-want for 3 hours! I've tried 10+ different recipes, even trying to tweak them, with all the same cardboard bread result. See other bread failures here and here.


So that was bread-failing Meredith talking, I'm now a new woman. Then I had an "it happened" moment. --You know like the first time your puppy goes to the door to pee outside. The first time you actually understand algebra. The first time you broke a million points on Temple Run. That is what this felt like ladies and gentlemen. I wouldn't call myself a bread-goddess quite yet, but it just might occur here soon. Tuesday evening it happened...the cardboard bread is now a thing of the past...a delicious, sweet, golden, and savory loaf of 100% Whole Wheat bread appeared in my bread maker. This recipe for 100% Whole Wheat bread has been the only one to date to actually work for me. It taste so good! I'm not sure if the stars were aligned but I'm to make this one again!