Kirby Man Hell

I am currently awake at 11:23 p.m. because of the damn Kirby man.

Who might the Kirby man be you ask?

A Death Eater. 

(All my negative references keep going back to dark Harry Potter characters for some reason)

Seriously I'm so upset right now. I feel frustrated, and walked all over. As soon as I walked in the door I dropped my bags, said "hi" to Scout, and set my Zaxby's dinner on the table. I've been craving Zaxby's like no other, so saying I was pumped was an understatement. Then someone knocked at the door. I opened it and there was a girl standing there. Scout meanwhile bolted out the door, so I politely told her to wait one minute while I made sure he didn't run away. As I turned around to go back in the house, this girl had already made her way into the foyer of my house! A little put off, I asked her what I could do for her. She then offered to clean my carpets for free, no strings attached. I tried not to be rude, but told her I was just about to sit down to eat dinner, maybe next time. She told me it would only take 20 minutes, and seemed pretty persistent and wouldn't leave. "OK, Fine" I said. What could it hurt?

WORST CHOICE OF MY ENTIRE LIFE. 

The next thing I know 2 guys are hauling big boxes into my house. 

The guy first asked me what kind of sweeper I had. I told him I just bought a new sweeper less than 6 months a go, so I wasn't interested in buying a new one. He still persisted in demonstrating the Kirby, which he referred too as the holy of hollies when it came to sweepers. They start vacuuming with these little "test pads" which their bags are made out of. They laid these test pads all over my house. (I know they want to show me how much my sweeper sucks, and how dirty my carpets "really" are) The coffee table, my sofa, the end tables, the fireplace, were all strewn with these stupid pads. When Scout walked on them they proceeded to yelled at him when he messed them up. HES A DOG FOR GOD SAKE. 

He showed me the prices. These sweepers cost $2,400. Or, you can do monthy payments of between $200-$350 a month for 12 months. THAT IS A MOTHER FREAKIN CAR PAYMENT PEOPLE! I told him I didn't feel comfortable with spending that kind of money (EVER) without talking to my husband first. They asked when he would be home. I panicked. I simply told them he was training (I didn't mention he was away and wouldn't be home). They said to call him. I told them he couldn't answer. They told me to take a picture of their stupid pads and send it to him. I told them his phone was shut off. They even said they would wait at my house until he called me! I was beginning to get really annoyed. These people were relentless! 

This guy swept my floor and my couches showing me all the little tools for 2 FREAKING HOURS. "Your husband has allergies, you need this sweeper. They guilt tripped me every which way: "That's not fair to let him suffer because you didn't buy a good enough sweeper in the first place." They made me feel stupid: "I can't believe you paid that much for that hunk of plastic!"  Then, he suggested I let him sweep my mattress. I told him that's where I draw the line; absolutely not. I told him I was not buying this sweeper, so he should call his boss that conveniently left him at my house to come get him and his little side-kick monkey too. He told me a sob story about how his laptop just died, and that he could win a trip to Vegas and a new laptop if I helped him out. He kept trying to get me to pick a payment option. I asked him if I bought the sweeper if I could go to Vegas all expenses paid too. He laughed, but I knew he didn't think it was funny. BECAUSE LETS BE HONEST: THIS SWEEPER COSTS AS MUCH AS A VACATION!

FINALLY his stupid boss arrived.

His boss was upset that I didn't get my carpets shampooed yet. The last thing I wanted was for these fools to stay in MY house one minute longer. He kept repeating over and over that it was part of the demo and it needed to be done. I probably told him - no lie - 6 times NO! (Note: this is where I let Scout back inside so he could jump all over them, sniff their crotches, and lick them. Bravo Scout! AND it's now almost 8:00 at night) Then he started: "If your husband was here right now what would he think?" I told them he would beat me for spending that kind of money on a stupid sweeper. When they finally realized that they weren't getting a sale they packed up their crap while they pouted. The boss was clearly upset that this kid didn't make the sale...I kinda felt bad for him because I knew he was probably going to get yelled at once he left. But you know what? It's ME that's sitting up late in bed upset, NOT THEM.

When I finally slammed the door shut and locked it, I remembered my Zaxby's. It was completely cold, and my toast and fries were completely soggy. SO MUCH FOR MY $8 MEAL. Now I'm out because of THEM. Ugh SERIOUSLY'?! I'm so mad at myself for not telling them to leave sooner. I should have walked back the hall, got the gun, and told them to leave. NOW. If another Kirby person from hell shows up at my door I'll loose it. I don't understand how these people think they have a right to be so demanding and pushy while they are in other people's homes. It really blows my mind. Watch out Kirby man, WATCH OUT!