Nonna Shirley

Yesterday Non passed away in her sleep. 

Mom said she knew everyone around her up until the very end, and kept telling everyone how much she loved them and appreciated them taking care of her. She was so sweet, kind, and generous. It's really sad to lose Non, especially because we were pretty close, but I'm beyond thrilled to know that she didn't suffer. It's bittersweet. She was surrounded by everyone she loved, and it was a quick and painless. I never want to see anyone go through what Uncle Don had to suffer with for months on end.

I will miss her so much. She was such a strong lady. At 3 she lost her mom, and grew up like Cinderella (not joking) with her step-mom. After she married Pap-Jim they had 7 babies and she walked to work everyday. Believe it or not she's never had a drivers license. They never had much money, but she always managed. When I was born Mom named me Meredith (duh) and profusely stated there would be no nicknames. Not Mere, Mary, Mere-Bear, it's Meredith. Non never gave two shits (her own words) about what Mom said and has been the only one allowed to call me by her nickname for me - Meremiss.When I was a baby they divorced, and she moved right down the street from us, which was awesome. I would have sleepovers there and she always made amazing food. She could make one hell of a baked mac-n-cheese, and her specialty was soup. Any soup, you name it, she could make the best! She could never make a little bit, only amounts large enough to feed an army was acceptable! Eventually she met Dan. He was her everything, her gentlemen, and her best friend. They got married; I was her flower girl. Even when Dan eventually succomed to Alzheimer's she stuck with him until the end. They were so happy together, and Non always kept a picture of him in her wallet that she kissed. She made sure he was bathed, fed, happy, and loved on him everyday. The thought of sending him to a nursing home was out of the question, and gladly took on the burden of keeping him home. 

She was always getting people's names wrong, and making up words. Just in the last couple of years she managed to call Evan, Evan instead of Ethan. Example: she was always ordering stuff from "Jim Beam" little did she know she meant to say LL. Bean...strangers thought she was an alcoholic by accident. Anytime you went to her house the TV or radio was always blaring with a pot of coffee on. As soon as you walked in the house she always tried to feed you. Her cat's name is appropriately name GD, which everyone found offensive at first. It really stands for George Dan, but Non probably meant it in the bad way too, haha. "Life is better on the Porch" was her life motto. She loved to swing on the porch visiting and feeding whoever stopped by. I could say another thousand funny things that she's said, and another two thousand times she was giving to others.

I told Mom as soon as she got a glimpse of Dan and her mom in heaven, she would be outta here, no looking back! I guess I was right...Sunday she was her normal spunky self and come Wednesday morning she was out of here! We will all miss her so much. But, we'll all see her again someday on the other side! I can't wait! 

To be right where you are.

Evan left for 3 weeks a couple of days ago to do deployment training in Louisiana. I thought it was a bummer, but I figured it wouldn't be that long, and it's not like we haven't done this before, yada yada yada; no big deal. Wrong. Last night I got home from work and my house was so quiet. This fact alone was kinda funny, because Evan doesn't really talk or is a loud person in the first place. I couldn't understand exactly why it seemed so deafening. I walked in and it was my same tan couch, the same drinking glasses neatly stacked in the cupboard, and the same familiar pictures staring at me, but it was...different. Just knowing Evan is home, even if he is upstairs in his office or outside washing the cars, is what makes our house peaceful. I didn't cry or have a meltdown, I just didn't realize how empty this house feels without him here. 

So now the ticking clock in the back of my mind is getting a little louder, and sounding a little more urgent. But rightly so, because we're down to 2 months until he leaves. This deployment I feel a lot more confident and calm. I feel like I kinda know what to expect (the worst). I'm expecting to worry, to feel a little helpless, and to not get a phone call everyday, and then worry more about that. As weird as that sounds, knowing that I'll feel all those things ahead of time makes it easier to deal with it all emotionally.

This time around I think it might be even a little harder in one way. Last deployment was challenging for the simple fact it was our first go of it. We had only been married a month when Evan left, and everything was new. We weren't exactly sure how the whole shindig worked. Before we were married we were use to being apart. We had never lived together, and when we did (for a month) it just kinda felt like we were being rebels. I guess I really didn't feel married. We lived in a furnished apartment and lived out of suitcases. When he left, I felt like we always had, in love, but apart. Now that's all changed. My life is completely different now that I've been married, and we've been husband and wife together for a year. Now we have our furniture, our dishes, our zip-lock bags, our underwear drawers. Our dog, our routine, our life. Stupid little stuff like that makes it different than last time. Coming home and crawling in bed alone doesn't feel right at all anymore. 

- Time out. New obsessed song. - 

My family wants me to move home while hes gone. As tempting that might sound, I think going home would be avoiding being alone in our house. Plus the last thing I would want to do is lose my baller job right now. Since jobs in general are hard to come by right now. Plus I have a feeling some of the other girls around here might need me. It's their first deployment and I know they are super nervous. They don't say they are, but I can tell. This time around I'll be more alone and have a lot more time on my hands. No best friends, no family, just Scout and I. 

But!

Don't worry, I have a plan.

I'm a weakling. I know I'm not anywhere near as strong as I use to be. Now that I've lost the weight that I didn't want, I need to tone it up. Working out is going to be a new priority! I'm not sure what my actual plan is yet, but I know I'll still walk Scout everyday. Then start Hip Hop Abs, and maybe P90X when I wouldn't die from a heart attack.

Organize. I Meredith, solemnly swear to clean my house everyday, and not let it look like a pigsty. 

Volunteer somewhere. I'm not sure of where yet, but I've looked into a few different places around me. There is a Manna Cafe which serves meals to the homeless that looks pretty awesome. Another organization hires students to work on an organic farm, I can't remember their name, but it looked pretty sweet too.