Control Freak

Yesterday I was a hot mess. 

I went from feeling like the deployment wasn't anywhere immanent, to a flow blown smack in the face. It was like an atomic bomb hit without warning, and I totally panicked. I just reacted how I normally do in these situations: angry. I was angry at the Chick-fil-a kid who took our order wrong. I was angry at a mom teaching her toddler "chick-en...chick-en" over and over again while we ate. I was angry that there was traffic. I was angry that Tractor Supply didn't have live baby peeps for me to see. I was angry when Evan told me "I love you." I was angry that other people were -in general- alive and in my line of vision. 

I was really pleasant to be around. 

After I apologized for being crazy, and thanked Evan for not divorcing me, I had to take a minute and just sit with the reality of the situation. Its happening and there isn't anything I can do to stop it. You feel out of control and helpless, because lets be honest, we're humans, and humans love being in control. Being in control means sanity, safety, and stability. With a deployment no one is in control. You can try to do things to make yourself think you're sane, safe, and stable, but until you come with the truth, you are just lying to yourself. Yesterday when we got home, Evan and I watched a Band of Brothers to specifically find this dialogue. It went along with exactly what we need to do when letting go of control and facing our fears.

BLITHE
When I landed on D-day, lieutenant, I found myself in a ditch all by myself and I... fell asleep. I think it was those airsickness pills they gave us.

SPEIRS
Uh huh.

BLITHE
But when I woke up, I didn't really... try to find my unit. To fight. I just kind of... stayed put.

SPEIRS
You know why you stayed in that ditch, Blithe?

BLITHE
I was scared, sir.

SPEIRS
We're all scared. It's because you still have hope.

BLITHE
You don't, sir?

SPEIRS
Here's the way I see it. There's only one way for me to fight this war, and that's to accept the fact... that I'm already dead.

Sometimes I get disappointed with myself when I act so angry, to feel in control for no reason. In the moment I feel justified, anyone that crosses me is going to have to deal with it, without the polite, socially aware part of my brain turned on. I'm in control if I'm angry; I won't cry, because crying means I'm weak. Crying means I've lost the game; its beat me. If I'm angry that the Army is sending Evan to war, it means I don't feel responsible or a part of the choice we made as couple to serve in the military. It doesn't really matter what you do: clean your house obsessively, buy clothes, party, drink, have a new boyfriend every week, or fill every moment of your day with something to do, the facts are still there: You aren't in control, there isn't anything you can do to change it. It hurts to face the truth. It isn't any fun, that's why most of us would rather avoid it than face it. Letting go of control means we will see all of the things we absolutely suck at, we will see how weak we are, and will have to deal with the very things we avoid like the plague. 

Lt. Speirs knew that to be a good soldier, you had to let go.When you come to terms with that fact that you're already dead, the threads that hold you back and muddle your mind, will be cut loose. Good soldiers are already dead. As wives, when you accept the fact that your husband might not come home, as awful as it sounds, makes it easier. It gives you peace that God won't ever give you more than you can handle. For me, it makes the stress and worry of deployment a lot lighter. I still worry, but I give myself a line that I can't cross in my mind. This is the line of healthy devotion and delusive hysteria. Worrying over that certain amount won't do anything except add wrinkles to my pretty face and shorten my life. I'm not going to be caught frozen scared, wallowing in my hole of worry and sorrow. I've come to terms with the fact that my husband is already dead. Is it scary? It's terrifying. As I sit here, I'm forcing myself to let it all go and be completely OK with realizing I'm not in control. 

It's so easy to fall in love

I've mentioned Lisa a few times, so I figured it was time we put a face to the name.

Lisa is a fellow Army wife, and her husband Korey works with Evan. They are deploying together in a few weeks, which leaves Lisa and I together to make dinner, have puppy play dates, and shop until we drop. (We both have a weakness for clothes...we apologize to our husband's bank accounts ahead of time) She is super sweet, funny, and the girl knows what she wants. I feel like I've known Lisa and Korey since college, when in reality its been maybe 4 months. They are so down to earth, they make everyone around them feel like old friends. Even more importantly, they really love each other. In a strange way their relationship functions creepily similar to Evan and I's. This summer they will be married a year! We decided we should take some pictures before the guys leave, if I do say so myself, Korey and Lisa rocked it!

(Please click on the pictures to view them, they look 10x better that way)

Korey and Lisa made Evan and I dinner last night after we took pictures. All I can say is Korey is a grill master, because he made me the best burger I've had in a very long time. I'm all ready dreading saying goodbye from these guys!

RIP Lucy and Happy Easter

You guys remember Lucy right?

- Scout's brand new $60 dog bed - 

I'm sorry, you might not recognize her since she's in about a BILLION different pieces.

We came home to this lovely sight a few nights ago, after going out to dinner...needless to say, Scout was very proud of himself. He thought he had done us the biggest favor that we could ever ask for! Too bad I can't ever recalling wishing for this kind of favor. As much as I wanted to strangle him, he looked way too happy and impressed with himself to not laugh! I'm sorry we let it end this way Lucy, but I guess it was bound to happen sometime!

It makes me really sad that today doesn't feel like Easter. I wish I had gone to church. For some reason I always chicken out going by myself. That needs to change. Scout and I sunbathed outside while I read the last book of the Hunger Games for most of the day. I ate chicken noodle soup with crackers for dinner. It seemed like I should be doing something bigger, better for today. When I talked to my Dad tonight he said it didn't feel like Easter either, so maybe its not just me this year. 

I'm getting fatter as we speak.

I have a confession to make.

It's embarrassing.

I sat in this very spot all day. 

I'm talking12 hours now. 

As soon as Evan said audios, I parked my derriere here and I haven't moved except to do important things. You know, like pee, let scout in/out, and eat junk. 

Complete junk. All day.

Stuff like this: 

 //Saltines//cheese//mustard//

Along with left over birthday Shrimp Alfredo, ice cream with fudge, cinnamon sugar pop tarts with a glass of milk, hummus and chips, a cup of tea, mallow cups, bad, bad, bad stuff.

 Scout did this:

If you can't tell hes pouting. 

I guess he got over the whole I-hate-dad stunt. 

He was bawling like a little baby, begging Evan to take him along, while he was packing the car. I guess he is stuck with just me again, which I'm pretty positive he won't mind. 

Babies

Are a big deal.

Twice this week I've had really intense baby conversations. That's two more times than I would like, but here we are. No, I'm not pregnant, nor do I want to be pregnant anytime in the next 4+ years. I'm not a baby hater, I just don't love babies the way most girls do naturally. I like 1 or 2 certain kids; I don't love kids. Most children to me are obnoxious, dirty, and expensive.

If I don't like babies or want one, why in the world am I blogging about it?
Great question.
I'm not entirely sure either.

My first conversation was with Evan. You might assume that talking babies with my husband wouldn't be a huge deal. I mean, he kinda has to be a willing participant someday, right? Well think again. Evan is in the same anti-baby boat as I am. This was the first time we've seriously talked about it...ever. It wasn't a long talk, just around when we might want to start, and the 101 ways you can screw them up. Before we got married I might of casually asked "Hey you're ok with maybe having a few kids at some point?" and he probably grunted a "Sure, whatever." At that time that was good enough for me. But now, we're grown-ups all of a sudden. Everyone starts asking about having one from the moment after you say "I do." The minute you have a headache, craving, or pass on a glass of wine, every one of your family members eyes you suspiciously. Then, out of nowhere everyone and their mother with a dusty uterus are popping them out and lining them up like Easter eggs. Next you start to think "Should I be having kids?"

The second conversation was with a co-worker. She asked me if I thinking about having kids anytime soon. I managed to gag out a "No!" while I tried not to choke on my lunch. I was wondering if she secretly knew Evan and I had just talked about that same topic the night before. - Of course not, but it was still kind of creepy. Then we ended up talking about different baby names for the remainder of our lunch break, which is always a little fun to think about - I won't lie -.

I'm not sure why, but I can't stop thinking about it. Its not baby fever; its baby stress. Do people realize how big of a deal it is to have a child? Because I feel like these baby popper-outer's don't! A human alien child growing inside of you? Weird. Pooping out a baby. Ouch. Letting a baby suck on your boob. Awkward. Never having a solid 8 hours of sleep again? Suck.You are creating another functioning (or potentially non-functioning) member of society. I guess I'm not entirely sure of where I stand on babies, or how I feel about having them. Anytime I think about it my chest tightens and my face get crinkled. I manage to come up with completely ridiculous situations that could put me in a worry induced coma, over children who don't even exist yet. Am I completely alone with hysteria about my imaginary children? I'm not in any place right now to want a baby, and that's OK. Yeah I think about it, talk to Evan about it, but I don't have the fever yet. If it takes until I'm 40, that's OK too. I'm not feeling rushed or pressured. If I even decide to have a kid or two, which I might decide to pass, it's going to be when I'm not completely possessed with apprehension. I want to be wrapped up in excitement, love, and peace.

I'm still a little confused as to why this is all going through my head...maybe its just a girl thing that we all go through at some point. Like I told my Mom a while back, if it ends up just being Scout, Evan, and little old Me, I'll take just that. I've never been happier in my life than I am now in this moment. I'm perfectly content with my life and all the amazing people in it. So, for now, I'll keep it just like that.

It's my pity party and I'll whine if I want too!

via

* Detest is the current vocabulary for my feelings towards the Army this week. I hate Evan's long hours. Last night he didn't get home until 6:30 p.m. (he left the house at 4:45 a.m.). I hate it that he has to deploy again so soon. I hate the stupid suck-ups and people who play mind-games. I hate Army bumper stickers.

* I want a vacation. For a week. With my husband. Is that really too much to ask? I was looking at people's spring break vacations on Facebook and became genuinely upset and envious, to the point where I realized I was breathing with my teeth gritted. Can someone please plan me a secret vacation, work it out with my boss, and hand me plane tickets. Please and thanks.

* There is a retarded bird that keeps flying into my windows because it's seeing it's own reflection. Now we live in a cave with our blinds and curtains shut. It's pooped all over my porch, and my table and chairs, and it's asking for me to kill it. A BB gun being in this bird's future is a real possibility.

* Spring break was awesome, now at work I feel like I'm dying in prison. It's great.

* I'm going through a quarter-life crisis. Why can't I know what I want to do? Why can't I be amazingly good at one specific thing so it's painfully obvious what I should do. Why can't I have some confidence in this department? Why do I have to be a stupid girl and have potentially ugly or disappointing babies, therefore ruining my career timeline.

* There isn't any food in my house. Instead, I stand around opening cupboards after work waiting for food to appear, or, morph into an Iron Chief and be able to make a fantastic meal with random, distant ingredients.

* The wedges I've had my eye on have not come back in stock, but are discontinued all together.

Sometimes its really, really, really, hard to be thankful for all of the positive things in life. It sounds stupid, I know. Clean food, excellent health, and a warm home are the basic things I take for granted everyday. I know I should be happy with these simple things, but sometimes I think it is a big deal that my summer shoes aren't in stock, or there is bird poop all over my porch, or that I feel so out of control and unhappy with my job. Sometimes I want to whine, throw a fit, and pout to have everyone feel bad for me. So here I sit with a crumpled face, pouty lips, and negative attitude. Just leave this little Meredith in the corner for awhile until she's done with her tantrum and I'm sure she will eventually be just fine. 

Thrifty Thursday

I almost forgot today was Thrifty Thursday!

For the first month we were married in our new house, this was our only lamp. I guess lamps are one of those things I never think about when buying the basics for a room. But, they are one of the most important things! They make a room homey, soft, and cozy.

 I found this lamp in a second hand store for $7! Can you believe it? I haven't painted it or anything! I did however, replace the lampshade. The original lampshade was an awful brown-poop color, which kinda made you want to puke just looking at it. I found the lampshade you see here at Goodwill for 50cents. 

When looking for used lamps, look at the shape of the lamp, not the condition. Luckily as I said before, I didn't have to paint this one, but as long as it has nice "curves" spray painting it is always a great option. I recently bought an old brass lamp that is god-awful ugly, but the shape of the curves are beautiful. I'm leaning towards painting it a minty green to put in my spare bedroom. Also, you can easily re-write any lamp with kits you can buy at Wal-mart. 

Scout is thrifty because he was free...and adorable.  

Home Again, Home Again, Jiggity Jig!

Tomorrow night Evan gets home!

I'm pumped, but exhausted. I spent most of the day today ripping devil plants out of the front of our yard. I'm trying my best to make sure everything is perfect. The house is clean, the fridge is stocked, and the front yard will hopefully be competed by the time he gets in! On the way home from getting my hair cut, I bought a dozen plants to plant to make our walkway to the front door more welcoming.Was anyone else aware of how expensive plants are?? I was not until today...things that have the potential of dying...especially in my care...cost and arm and a leg! (Specifically $65 arm and/or leg...I might have gotten ripped off. But how was I  to know? I'm not usually in the plant market...um ever.) Either way, they are quite lovely, and think the walkway already looks 100x better and they aren't even planted yet!

 The house is all clean and cozy; ready for Evan! Scout is ready to have his buddy back too!

 It's finally all cleared!
Side note: I filled the bin way too full, and now it's entirely too heavy for me to move anywhere by myself.
High five to me.

My new flowers waiting to be planted. I love the colors of the purplish-green ones! The leafy smaller plants will eventually have all different colored flowers on them! (We can only hope they make it that long)

 I finally caved after hearing, no less than 5 book reports, on the Hunger Games from the 9th graders at school. I read the first book Sunday morning, and I'm currently on the 2nd book. They are good...there will be a book review soon! I've been sworn to wait to see the movie with Evan...

 I was in desperate need of a haircut, and today it finally happened. I was seriously considering getting is all chopped off -- like pixie cut chopped off. But, I really miss my long hair so I'm growing it back out, expect I'm keeping my bangs. Have I ever told you how much I love bangs? Now you know.

 New headband from Mildred & Mable's in downtown Clarksville. It's my new favorite store!

I cannot figure out for the life of me why this picture is so blurry, but whatever. If you can't tell it's sushi. The wimpy Americanized kind, but it's sushi none the less! I've never tried sushi for several reasons:

1. Kittanning Pennsylvania isn't the hot spot sushi type of town...think more all you can eat buffet style.
2. It's intimidating! Sushi has always seemed like a trendy food, that only trendy people eat.
3. Does white rice, seaweed, cucumbers, avocado, and raw fish sound appealing to eat to you??

Although none of those things sound appealing, together...oh my...together its a completely different story! I don't know why I've never tried sushi before! It was so good! I doubt I'll be able to drag Evan along, but my friend Lisa, who took me, will have a lot of fun girl nights together eating sushi while the guys are gone!

I can tell I've already gone into partial independent woman mode (which I tend to do) when Evan is gone. I hate that it happens, but in a way, it's a coping strategy for me. You have to have this mindset that you can do anything and everything that you do together, by yourself. You trick yourself into thinking it's easy, enjoyable, and empowering. It can be, but when it comes down to it, I'm part of a team. Whether I like it or not, the team part of my brain shuts off for 9-12 months. It makes things easier to adjust to when hes gone. As silly as it sounds, it's hard to shut it off and let yourself need someone else again when he gets home. When you're married each person needs that feeling of being needed. Evan needs to know that I need him to mow the lawn, change the oil, and open jars. Being the man. Even though I'm capable to doing these things, it's part of how our mouse trap maze marriage works. In the end, no matter how much you think you don't need someone, we all really do. 

Thrifty Thursday

Lately my mantle has been bugging me. I can't quite get it how I want it and I'm not sure why. Really, I think it just might be because I wish I could have some color on my walls...alas the grievances of renting. The white walls wash every inch of color I stuff into my living room. Maybe someday, in my own house, I can change the paint color once a month if I want too. (Evan might hate me, but I totally will)

Sitting along the top of the mantle are my designated living room green decorations. The vase to the far left is from my stand-by antique place here - This Old Place - in Clarksville. The white globe has a candle holder in the bottom, when I remember to light it. It is from the Tour-Ed Mine Flea-Tique in Tarentum, Pa. The pitcher was Uncle Don's. Last, the tree/bird nest thing (makes it sound really expensive and classy eh?) is from Hobby Lobby.

Ok, get excited!

The picture is probably one of my favorite thrift-ed items I have. I found it sitting in the corner of St. Vincent thrift store back home in Pennsylvania. It was lonely and without a price tag. When I found a little old lady to ask how much it was she sweetly mumbled..."Oh I don't know, $3?" Without a second thought I frantically yelled "SOLD!" louder than I should have. I was holding on to it for dear life, warding off any other old lady trying to get even a glimpse at it.  

I love the greens and yellows in it. They are bright enough to catch your eye, but the painting itself is pretty muted so it blends in with all my other things. For the different holidays I've been cutting out seasonal things and sticking it on the picture!

Halloween: A vintage laughing moon with a witch flying through the sky, and cat walking down the path.

Christmas: Santa flying through the sky on his sleigh and adding in fake snow on the ground.

Valentines Day: A couple strolling arm in arm down the path with cupid peeking out behind the tree.

Easter: Easter eggs, rabbits, and a dove flying through the air.

Forth of July: Fireworks!

Ok, so me actually finding sweet pictures on google has happened, me printing them off has happened, but the whole cutting out and putting them on the picture hasn't...haha oops. I might have a whole drawer full of the sweet vintage people, cats, and moons, but none of them have seen the light of day. Why am I so bad at executing all my good ideas?? Maybe next year...

A Rockin' Good Way (To Mess Around and Fall in Love)

Pleasure for your ears :)

 //Spring//

 //Protecting the fort//

 //First time making veggie couscous//

 //It was ok, I kinda wanted a burger afterwards...//

 //New dress!//

I want a cow.

I mean wouldn't you want a cow?

Specifically a Guernsey cow.
I really am a farm girl at heart...a girly farm girl, but a farm girl none the less!
One day Evan and I are hoping to have some land somewhere. Horses, chickens, and a cow for me, and lots of hunting land for Evan. I think it would be awesome to have a family cow. Having your own fresh milk supply to make homemade cheese, cream, and a plethora of other products sounds fantastic to me.

Any of you guys want a cow? Or am I just that strange?

The little things that I love about Mr. Slee:

He always wears a watch

He drinks too much coffee
He never swears: ever

He is literately prepared at all times for any situation possible

He can make the perfect cup of tea, just like I like it

He acts so serious and guarded

But

He is knee slapping sarcastic/funny and one of the easiest people to talk too

He pays the bills and balances the checkbook

We sing Taylor Swift songs together. In the car. With passion.

He loves manly things: guns, hunting, camo, push-ups, etc.

He has no interest in football or video games

He doesn't care about what others think about him

He graduated Summa-Cum-Laude 

How he has a habit of twisting the rabbit ears of his shoe laces when hes done tying them. It's cute ok?

He hates spending money

He keeps both of our cars spotless

He loves pretzels, peanuts, pop-tarts, and popcorn

He always writes me letters over e-mails when we're apart

He has, and will always have, short hair

He will buy anything from anyone door to door, he just can't say no

He knows a lot about tea...which is funny because he doesn't really drink it

He is one of the hardest working people I know

He has a whole library on leadership and theology books

He hates large crowds of people

He wears his glasses smashed between his eyes

He puts extra pepper on everything

He doesn't have wisdom teeth...seriously, how lucky is he?

He loves his job

He can cook better than I can

He likes the AC vent in the car blowing on #3...never #4

He has to know the kitchen is clean before bed or he can't sleep

He is better at picking out jewelry

He never avoids conflict 

He believes the first day of Buck Season should be a national holiday

He doesn't like to swim or ski

He knows everything about anything

He buys me food instead of flowers

He is always bouncing one of his legs while hes sitting

He is annoyingly smart, and aces any test without having to study

He has been to Australia, New Zealand, Thailand, Guatemala, Nicaragua, Mexico, Germany, Ireland,       Afghanistan, and would hop on a plane anywhere in a minute without thinking   

So I might be missing him a little bit, I'll admit it. 

Nonna Shirley

Yesterday Non passed away in her sleep. 

Mom said she knew everyone around her up until the very end, and kept telling everyone how much she loved them and appreciated them taking care of her. She was so sweet, kind, and generous. It's really sad to lose Non, especially because we were pretty close, but I'm beyond thrilled to know that she didn't suffer. It's bittersweet. She was surrounded by everyone she loved, and it was a quick and painless. I never want to see anyone go through what Uncle Don had to suffer with for months on end.

I will miss her so much. She was such a strong lady. At 3 she lost her mom, and grew up like Cinderella (not joking) with her step-mom. After she married Pap-Jim they had 7 babies and she walked to work everyday. Believe it or not she's never had a drivers license. They never had much money, but she always managed. When I was born Mom named me Meredith (duh) and profusely stated there would be no nicknames. Not Mere, Mary, Mere-Bear, it's Meredith. Non never gave two shits (her own words) about what Mom said and has been the only one allowed to call me by her nickname for me - Meremiss.When I was a baby they divorced, and she moved right down the street from us, which was awesome. I would have sleepovers there and she always made amazing food. She could make one hell of a baked mac-n-cheese, and her specialty was soup. Any soup, you name it, she could make the best! She could never make a little bit, only amounts large enough to feed an army was acceptable! Eventually she met Dan. He was her everything, her gentlemen, and her best friend. They got married; I was her flower girl. Even when Dan eventually succomed to Alzheimer's she stuck with him until the end. They were so happy together, and Non always kept a picture of him in her wallet that she kissed. She made sure he was bathed, fed, happy, and loved on him everyday. The thought of sending him to a nursing home was out of the question, and gladly took on the burden of keeping him home. 

She was always getting people's names wrong, and making up words. Just in the last couple of years she managed to call Evan, Evan instead of Ethan. Example: she was always ordering stuff from "Jim Beam" little did she know she meant to say LL. Bean...strangers thought she was an alcoholic by accident. Anytime you went to her house the TV or radio was always blaring with a pot of coffee on. As soon as you walked in the house she always tried to feed you. Her cat's name is appropriately name GD, which everyone found offensive at first. It really stands for George Dan, but Non probably meant it in the bad way too, haha. "Life is better on the Porch" was her life motto. She loved to swing on the porch visiting and feeding whoever stopped by. I could say another thousand funny things that she's said, and another two thousand times she was giving to others.

I told Mom as soon as she got a glimpse of Dan and her mom in heaven, she would be outta here, no looking back! I guess I was right...Sunday she was her normal spunky self and come Wednesday morning she was out of here! We will all miss her so much. But, we'll all see her again someday on the other side! I can't wait! 

New URL

Just letting you know!

http://itsmadeofthis.blogspot.com/

To be right where you are.

Evan left for 3 weeks a couple of days ago to do deployment training in Louisiana. I thought it was a bummer, but I figured it wouldn't be that long, and it's not like we haven't done this before, yada yada yada; no big deal. Wrong. Last night I got home from work and my house was so quiet. This fact alone was kinda funny, because Evan doesn't really talk or is a loud person in the first place. I couldn't understand exactly why it seemed so deafening. I walked in and it was my same tan couch, the same drinking glasses neatly stacked in the cupboard, and the same familiar pictures staring at me, but it was...different. Just knowing Evan is home, even if he is upstairs in his office or outside washing the cars, is what makes our house peaceful. I didn't cry or have a meltdown, I just didn't realize how empty this house feels without him here. 

So now the ticking clock in the back of my mind is getting a little louder, and sounding a little more urgent. But rightly so, because we're down to 2 months until he leaves. This deployment I feel a lot more confident and calm. I feel like I kinda know what to expect (the worst). I'm expecting to worry, to feel a little helpless, and to not get a phone call everyday, and then worry more about that. As weird as that sounds, knowing that I'll feel all those things ahead of time makes it easier to deal with it all emotionally.

This time around I think it might be even a little harder in one way. Last deployment was challenging for the simple fact it was our first go of it. We had only been married a month when Evan left, and everything was new. We weren't exactly sure how the whole shindig worked. Before we were married we were use to being apart. We had never lived together, and when we did (for a month) it just kinda felt like we were being rebels. I guess I really didn't feel married. We lived in a furnished apartment and lived out of suitcases. When he left, I felt like we always had, in love, but apart. Now that's all changed. My life is completely different now that I've been married, and we've been husband and wife together for a year. Now we have our furniture, our dishes, our zip-lock bags, our underwear drawers. Our dog, our routine, our life. Stupid little stuff like that makes it different than last time. Coming home and crawling in bed alone doesn't feel right at all anymore. 

- Time out. New obsessed song. - 

My family wants me to move home while hes gone. As tempting that might sound, I think going home would be avoiding being alone in our house. Plus the last thing I would want to do is lose my baller job right now. Since jobs in general are hard to come by right now. Plus I have a feeling some of the other girls around here might need me. It's their first deployment and I know they are super nervous. They don't say they are, but I can tell. This time around I'll be more alone and have a lot more time on my hands. No best friends, no family, just Scout and I. 

But!

Don't worry, I have a plan.

I'm a weakling. I know I'm not anywhere near as strong as I use to be. Now that I've lost the weight that I didn't want, I need to tone it up. Working out is going to be a new priority! I'm not sure what my actual plan is yet, but I know I'll still walk Scout everyday. Then start Hip Hop Abs, and maybe P90X when I wouldn't die from a heart attack.

Organize. I Meredith, solemnly swear to clean my house everyday, and not let it look like a pigsty. 

Volunteer somewhere. I'm not sure of where yet, but I've looked into a few different places around me. There is a Manna Cafe which serves meals to the homeless that looks pretty awesome. Another organization hires students to work on an organic farm, I can't remember their name, but it looked pretty sweet too.   

Meet Lucy

"Lucy" for those of you who might not know is Scout's new dog bed. At first he thought it was a big fluffy chew-toy, then decided that it was the perfect thing to dub as his girlfriend...if you catch my drift. SO FREAKING GROSS. We had friends over for dinner, and can you guess what the mid-dinner show was? That's right Scout and Lucy! (Evan put her in her room, and Scout laid in front of the door and cried) 

He is so embarrassing. 

Now we both refer to his bed as another member of the family. (We're really weird, I know) Texts like this from Evan crack me up. "She has green fuzz" like hes genuinely interested in learning something new about our son's new girlfriend. 

I got home and saw Lucy. Poor Lucy...she was laying in a deflated puddle in the middle of the living room floor. Indeed she had green fuzz, and it was strewn about the room like a murder scene. My blood pressure immediately rose. Seriously? I just spend $60 on a new dog bed that you're treating like a cheap date! I snatched it and loathsomely dragged it back the hall screeching "This is why we can't have nice things! Lucy has only been here for a week and you treat her like this!" Scout just followed me back the hall with a glazed-over, innocent I-don't-know-what-your-talking-about look. Exasperated I was crawling around gathering green fuzz like it was payday money and shrieking about the mess. 

Scout sat in the corner with his eyes following me around the room. I looked up and had a - If you weren't so freaking cute, you would totally be dead - moment. But he is totally cute, so it's not like I could stay mad. His eyes were worried (like normal) and weepy. He looked sad and embarrassed like he couldn't believe he gave in to the temptation. He was sitting there waiting for me to call him over to me and tell him it was OK, and that I don't hate him. 

I immediately felt regret. I mean he's a dog, does he really know better? I called him over and he sprinted towards me, practically knocking the wind out of me by landing in my lap. I kissed his face and strached his head. I told him he needed to be nice to Lucy, and that it made mom mad when she had to come home from work to a big mess. He cocked his head to the side and listened intently, taking every word to heart. Why does he have to be so cute? Or is he really good at acting really pitifully sorry?

I think it's the latter. 

If my future kids are as cute as he is, they might be able to get away with anything.

Thrifty Thursday

OK, so I have a new weekly post I want to try to do: Thrifty Thursday. 

I was going to do Tightwad Tuesday, but that sounded a little negative (but funny, haha). Loving the art of thriftiness isn't always about being a tightwad, as some people would assume; it's about getting something unique, well-made, and having fun without selling off your first born child! It's a win-win situation. As some of you know I furnished my entire house from used/junk/thirfted/antique/whatever-you-call-it goods. Most of my wardrobe is also lightly used clothing from second hand shops. Evan refers to it as "junk" but that's his opinion...I'm pretty sure he should be thanking me for being frivolous and freaking awesome....but that's my opinion. About 75% of the stuff in my house my husband would have thought was "dirty" and "old." (Luckily he was deployed, therefore he didn't really have a say into the matter -insert coy smile-) 

I've got my act together and have slowly, but surly, have been making our house a home. Here's a tiny corner into my house that's home.

Table & chairs: Non's (grandma's) aka free // Curtains: antique shop .50 cents // Fruit bowl: antique shop $6 // Salt & Pepper shakers: junk store $2 // Wooden Spoon & Fork gift // Table cloth: This Old Place Antiques $11 // Grand total: $19.50

The hunt of finding all these one-of-a-kind things is the fun part for me. A nice bonus of that is you save money, lots of money. The only thing I purchased new for our house was our mattress. I don't know about you, but I didn't want to take the chance of bunking with someone else's bed bugs. This weekend I'm on the hunt to find a few things for our spare bedroom and some new spring/summer clothes! I'll let you know what I find!