Tuesday, June 26, 2012

That Guy

So along with the 24,545 things going on this summer I feel like I'm forgetting someone...someone kind of important. I think I've talked about him a few times. That guy Evan. In between driving home, visiting with my family, and now being in Costa Rica (I'll explain about this one later) Evan isn't getting the blogging update he deserves! In real life he is probably thrilled that he has slipped by without me talking about him here. He's not one for attention of any kind. Evan is that guy at a party where you kind of forget he is there. At the end of the night you realize he was sitting quietly in the corner right beside you the whole time. Believe me, don't feel sorry for him. He totally likes it that way, and does it on purpose.  

Its kind of hard to believe that hes been gone 2, almost 3 months already. This deployment is so much different than the last one, in a good way for me at least. Its very low-key. Maybe its because this isn't my first rodeo. Another reason is because Evan's job is so much different this time around. This time its all paperwork and meetings with minimal patrols. (Because of his promotion his job is no longer a platoon leader) They are in the mountains this time, which means IEDs (Improvised Explosive Device) aren't as common. Last deployment was a completely different story. A constant cloud of stress hovered over every hour of my life when he was gone. I always felt slightly nauseous when my phone rang, and tried not to go into panic mode when I hadn't heard from him in several days. I had dreams of the casualty notice people coming to my dorm room. Every day that he was on patrol was like waiting for a time bomb to go off. Every other day somebody was shot or stepped on an IED. There wasn't anything any of us could do to stop it. Guys were going to get hurt. Men were going to die for their country. It was just a matter of who it was going to be. Its kind of hard to explain how completely helpless and terrified I felt all the time. I know right now Evan is bored. Part of me says - good! Boredom means safety. But, at the same time, I feel a little sad for Evan. I know he didn't sign up to be bored while he's there. Is that crazy? I'm sure it sounds a little nutty.

  Every deployment has its phases. I'm at the point in the deployment where I miss him, but I don't really think about him being gone. For those of you might have to be around me, here are the phases of my deployment emotions/moods. You're welcome.

Phase I (Month 1-2): When he very first leaves I go half crazy without him around. I wear all his clothes, eat all his favorite foods, (that I don't even like) and send him sappy emails four times a day. I'm whiny, negative, and generally supportive of gushy romantic movies and books. At night I obsessively watch home-videos on Youtube of soldiers being reunited with their families. 

Phase II (Month 3-6): I seem heartless. I go into full blown, emotionless deployment mode. I always, always miss him when he isn't here, but there is a part of me that just goes on with life, without being sad that he isn't here. I'll have little moments - like last night at dinner - where I saw peanut crusted tuna with a spicy Cajun sauce that I immediately knew he would love, and inevitably order if he was here; but other than that I don't think about him too much unless I'm sitting down to write him an email or chatting with him on Skype.

Phase III (Month 6-8): I get mad. It comes when I've mowed the lawn for the 12th time in the blazing heat, or can't open a stupid jar to make dinner. When I've have to go around at night and make sure the doors are locked, yet still wake up in the middle of the night positive that someone is in my house (While Scout doesn't even wake up to protect me!). If Evan would be home, I would be (Inside in the glorious A/C) staring outside at my nicely mowed lawn , making dinner in 10 minutes, and sleeping like a log! I get mad at the Army, I get mad I Evan. I desperately just want to put the blame on someone for why he is away. 

Phase IV (Month 8-10): Finally the restlessness sets in. I get excited, giddy, and down right stir-crazy with waiting for him to get home. Sometimes I'll let out a random scream, run around, and pretend like I don't notice the butterflies pounding through my stomach. I fill the cupboards with all his favorite things. The house sparkles its so clean. All his "civilian" clothes are neatly folded and ready to wear. I'll wrack my brain over what outfit to wear. Should I look sexy? Slutty? Domestic?What will it be like when I first see him?! I wonder if he will think I'm hott?! I wonder if it will be the same?! Should I make a poster to hold up? Hell no. Will he want to talk? Not talk? Make-out? Oh god, did I forget to buy gum? Out of all the crazy questions and feelings, I know I'll always feel one thing when hes home: relief wrapped into indescribable happiness. That one moment is the thing that makes this whole Military thing totally, and completely worth every minute. The moment where that guy, my guy, comes home.

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