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Friday, May 11, 2012

Why You Should Hate The Notebook

I don't understand the absolute obsession over The Notebook. I'll give it to Nicholas Sparks, he did a great job romanticizing a story that is completely unrealistic and utterly stupid. 3 quick reasons as to why you should hate The Notebook.

1. It makes cheating not only OK, but elusively romantic.
2. It leads people to believe that you can eat and pay rent with love.
3. Impulsive, foolish, and childish decisions are welcomed without any negative consequences.

If you still don't believe me, please by all means, read on. It makes my heart hurt to think that this is what girls think real love looks like. Now before I have people scratching my eyes out over this, please read this short, adapted story written by yours truly to see the real version of The Notebook.


Pretend you knew a girl named Sallie. Her parents adored her, and did everything they could to make sure she could be successful. She was bright, beautiful, and on the right track to a prosperous life. Then, Sallie starting hanging out with Moses. Moses was a nice boy, but not exactly the best for Sallie. Her parents understood that Sallie was in love, it hurt them a lot to know she was so unhappy by taking her away from him. Deep down they knew that they were doing the best for their daughter. If they didn't move away, Sallie would simply marry Moses and immediately start popping out babies. They would most likely be poor, living paycheck to paycheck. They would struggle and live a hard life to make ends meet. Who would want this kind of life for their precious daughter? Her parents knew if she simply got away from this summer crush she would soon move on, like most young love does. Sallie had bigger dreams to fulfill than staying in a tiny town, she just didn't know it. Sallie does eventually forget about Moses, even though it was unbearable at first. She becomes a nurse and is really good at what she does. As a nurse she's caring, smart on her feet, and takes care of her patients with tender care. She meets a handsome, young, brave soldier who treats her like any girl would want to be treated. Ron loves Sallie so much, he buys her flowers for no reason, he would do anything for her, and he truly cares about her. Her parents love Ron, and take him into the family as their own son. Then, Sallie goes through a quarter life crisis. She wonders how different her life would be if she would have done things differently. Don't we all do this? Then again, we don't all act on it...Anyway, Sallie decides to visit her old small town, and see how everyone is doing, specifically Moses. Ron is so supportive and trusting of Sallie, that he fully supports her in wanting to get away for a few days. He knows all the stress of planning their wedding is really getting to her. Sallie ends up finding Moses. Over the years he has turned...insane, literately. Sometimes he sleeps around with a local girl he doesn't care about, who is willing to answer to his every booty call, but its no big deal. It's totally romantic remember? He's been so obsessed with Sallie that hes been engulfed by building her dream house, despite the fact he hasn't talked to her in years. Creeperish? Just a tad. Sallie ends up hanging out at his house, flirting with him like crazy, and hooking up with him. Word gets around like it always does, and people hear that Sallie has cheated on her fiance, that any girl would kill for, with the crazy high school fling down the street. I believe the word that most people would bring to mind is slut. She then tells her fiance what happened, who is absolutely heartbroken, but he loves her so much, he forgives her. Unfortunately, Sallie doesn't know who she wants. Ron decides that if Sallie really wants to be with him, he will wait for her, and if she doesn't, he loves her enough to let her go to be happy. (Who does this?? Why does nobody feel bad for Ron?? Seriously if anything, everyone watching this movie reading this story should be beating each other to get to Lon, I mean Ron!!! HELLO!!!) Sallie ends up choosing the mildly insane, but sexually satisfying Moses. Because we all know that good sex is the most important part of any marriage. When Sallie gets old and loses her mind, Moses treats her just like the crazy person she is by reading her the same story everyday. Because like she will remember, right?! TA DA! Who thought that was a good story?!

It really doesn't sound so appealing this way, does it?

I think the reason I hate The Notebook is the simple fact that nobody feels bad for Lon. Allie is a very hurtful and self centered person, only thinking about what she wants, and only how it effects her. She changes her mind on a dime and gets away with it! Lon is absolutely crushed, but its ok because Allie and Noah are totally in love. Never-mind that Allie has has built a life with Lon. Never-mind that she told him she loves him and promised to marry him. Allie has changed her mind, so he has to deal with it. "Lon loves Ally, is emotionally stable, financially stable, enamored by her, but it does not compare to the more raw and passionate relationship between her and Noah, and in the end Lon lets her go to Noah. Whilst it is easy to see the beauty of the true love between Noah and Ally in this situation, we forget that Lon is left behind and that this is a good man who loves and cares for Ally deeply. The fact that she leaves a man like this for a more tempestuous relationship and financially insecure man, leaves men to think, what do women want?" (via)

Girls swoon over The Notebook because of one simple reason: devotion. If we met Noah/Moses in real life we would all think he was a complete whack job for building the exact replica of the house Allie/Sallie dreamed of when she was 16. But separate the bonkers and you'll find adoration. Isn't this what we all really want? For someone to love us just like our wedding vows say. In good times and bad, sickness and health, rich or poor. Even when Allie turns her emotions on a dime, hurting everyone around her, Noah loves her anyway. He hangs off of a ferris wheel to get her, he dances with her in the middle of the street, doesn't pressure her to have sex with him, he writes her letters everyday for a year, he works tirelessly on a house that she might never see, he makes her a candle light dinner, kisses her in the rain, he leaves wild flowers on her pillow when she wakes up...I could go on. Noah wants Allie, and only Allie, until they are old and wrinkly. Girls, you need to realize that there are Noah's' out there for you, but these Noah's aren't hairy or insane; they have jobs, they have responsibilities, they have goals. They don't have time or money to build dream houses for years on end, waiting for you to find them. They are called Lon's.

What The Notebook didn't show was 10 years down the road when Noah was zoning-out in front of the radio with a beer, while Allie had 3 kids hanging off her screaming their brains out, while she tried to clean the house and cook dinner all at the same time. They didn't show Allie and Noah fighting about all those years he was sleeping with another girl for kicks. If he was really that devoted to her, why didn't he wait for Allie? They didn't show the red lines scribbled through their checkbook, which made them so stressed they couldn't enjoy being together. They didn't show all of the mindless fights because of their unstable, unpredictable emotions. Because that is what real life looks like. What more could a girl ask for than to be loved, adored, and taken care of by a handsome, emotionally strong and stable man? So Ladies, (and gentlemen) save yourself some headaches and pick yourself out a Lon.

1 comment:

  1. Nice points. Also -- writing her every day, by letter, for a year? WTF?

    Even in today's day & age, emailing a girl, every day for a year, with no response would make 90% of stalkers turn to you and say "Dude, you need to calm yourself down -- you're nuts!"

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