Friday, April 6, 2012


Are a big deal.

Twice this week I've had really intense baby conversations. That's two more times than I would like, but here we are. No, I'm not pregnant, nor do I want to be pregnant anytime in the next 4+ years. I'm not a baby hater, I just don't love babies the way most girls do naturally. I like 1 or 2 certain kids; I don't love kids. Most children to me are obnoxious, dirty, and expensive.

If I don't like babies or want one, why in the world am I blogging about it?
Great question.
I'm not entirely sure either.

My first conversation was with Evan. You might assume that talking babies with my husband wouldn't be a huge deal. I mean, he kinda has to be a willing participant someday, right? Well think again. Evan is in the same anti-baby boat as I am. This was the first time we've seriously talked about it...ever. It wasn't a long talk, just around when we might want to start, and the 101 ways you can screw them up. Before we got married I might of casually asked "Hey you're ok with maybe having a few kids at some point?" and he probably grunted a "Sure, whatever." At that time that was good enough for me. But now, we're grown-ups all of a sudden. Everyone starts asking about having one from the moment after you say "I do." The minute you have a headache, craving, or pass on a glass of wine, every one of your family members eyes you suspiciously. Then, out of nowhere everyone and their mother with a dusty uterus are popping them out and lining them up like Easter eggs. Next you start to think "Should I be having kids?"

The second conversation was with a co-worker. She asked me if I thinking about having kids anytime soon. I managed to gag out a "No!" while I tried not to choke on my lunch. I was wondering if she secretly knew Evan and I had just talked about that same topic the night before. - Of course not, but it was still kind of creepy. Then we ended up talking about different baby names for the remainder of our lunch break, which is always a little fun to think about - I won't lie -.

I'm not sure why, but I can't stop thinking about it. Its not baby fever; its baby stress. Do people realize how big of a deal it is to have a child? Because I feel like these baby popper-outer's don't! A human alien child growing inside of you? Weird. Pooping out a baby. Ouch. Letting a baby suck on your boob. Awkward. Never having a solid 8 hours of sleep again? Suck.You are creating another functioning (or potentially non-functioning) member of society. I guess I'm not entirely sure of where I stand on babies, or how I feel about having them. Anytime I think about it my chest tightens and my face get crinkled. I manage to come up with completely ridiculous situations that could put me in a worry induced coma, over children who don't even exist yet. Am I completely alone with hysteria about my imaginary children? I'm not in any place right now to want a baby, and that's OK. Yeah I think about it, talk to Evan about it, but I don't have the fever yet. If it takes until I'm 40, that's OK too. I'm not feeling rushed or pressured. If I even decide to have a kid or two, which I might decide to pass, it's going to be when I'm not completely possessed with apprehension. I want to be wrapped up in excitement, love, and peace.

I'm still a little confused as to why this is all going through my head...maybe its just a girl thing that we all go through at some point. Like I told my Mom a while back, if it ends up just being Scout, Evan, and little old Me, I'll take just that. I've never been happier in my life than I am now in this moment. I'm perfectly content with my life and all the amazing people in it. So, for now, I'll keep it just like that.

No comments:

Post a Comment