Wednesday, April 4, 2012

We shan't ever fight again!

It's amazing what 3 weeks apart will do to a couple. 

All of a sudden you're in googly-eyed love again. That sweet little face has never done a thing to annoy you! (That you're dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin chemically surged brain seems to remember.) Evan and I love each other very much, but sometimes love doesn't stop you from wanting to slap your spouse silly when they get on your last nerve. We are pretty extreme opposites, which can make it easy to find things to fight about. Understanding how the other person solves problems and communicates is another trip wire that's against us too. I usually irately yell and scream my opinion and then shut down when the other person (namely Evan) doesn't immediately agree with me -- I don't want to talk, be touched, or be in a room with another breathing human being. Evan on the other hand, wants to talk in a calm voice, in close proximity, and then hug it out. Yeah, try working that one out. The longer we're together the better we're getting at "fighting."

 Time apart does things certain things to you though. It blotches out the dark spots and makes the sweet, silver lining shine brighter. It makes you remember why you love that person for exactly who they are. In some berserk way it makes you miss the very things that drive you up a wall when they are normally around. But I guess that's what loving someone is all about; loving the good and bad. By the end of Evan's training trip he was a little exasperated. "I'm more than ready to see you. I realized these last three weeks that you are the only thing that keeps me sane and not an extremely angry person." he said in a text. When he came home he immediately gave me a big hug and exclaimed with charm "I love you so much I never want to fight with you again!" I was thinking more like "Awww that's sweet but let's not hold our breath because we both know that's completely crazy and will never happen." with a big hug and smile in return.

Little did I know Evan was 100% serious when he expressed his undying, no fighting love for me. I mean does anyone really enjoy fighting with anyone that they care about? We decided together, that when we became angry we have to immediately make-out, then if we're still mad we could fight. Well it turns out this method has worked pretty great for us. It probably sounds completely ridiculous or ew, mom-and-dad-making-out to some of you, but tough cookies people! Do you want us to stay in love or not?? If one of us starts to get the angry, you'll hear from the other one in a really curious tone, paired with a clever, witty smile: "So, are you saying you're mad?" hinting at the obvious. The next thing you know, we both end up trying to suppress a smiles from creeping over our faces, and then eventually bust out laughing, along with a little pecking. 

Taking a time-out to make-out forces you to laugh, which makes being angry seem not as important. Even if you still are mad you are able to sanely and politely talk about what's bothering you like grown ups. It makes fixing problems fun instead of daunting. I'm realizing when I'm being completely irrational and unreasonable about something meaningless...most of the time I'm not even mad at Evan but it somehow always gets directed towards something boringly stupid he did (or didn't do). I put myself in time out and don't let myself take my frustrations out on my innocent husband. I can honestly say we haven't fought once since he's been home from training! So, maybe some of you might need to take a time-out to make-out. I'm never mad when I have too!

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